The First Time I Really Saw You
by fbeauchamphartz
Summary: A follow up to 'The First Time I Saw Your Face'. Sebastian suffers from visual agnosia and Kurt has a terrible, disfiguring scar on his face and body. The two of them meet up in college and start dating. Two months later, on Halloween, they decide to take their relationship further. (Future fic, hurt/comfort, first time). Kurt H., Sebastian S. College AU, romance
1. Chapter 1

"Would it be predictable and cliché to admit that Halloween is my favorite day of the year?" Kurt asks as he watches Sebastian negotiate the lock to his apartment door with a hand covered in fake werewolf hair and long, black, artificial nails. Kurt rolls his eyes and takes the key, fitting it into the lock quickly and unlocking the door.

"Thanks, gorgeous," Sebastian slurs through false teeth, pecking a kiss carefully to Kurt's scarred cheek. Sebastian turns the knob, letting the door swing open wide, and gesturing for Kurt to enter with a gentlemanly bow and a flourish. Kurt shakes his head and laughs, bobbing a mock curtsy before skipping inside.

"I don't think so." Sebastian struggles over the words before giving up and pulling the teeth out of his mouth. He picks up three shopping bags from the floor in the hall and carries them in, shutting and locking the door behind him. "I mean, you won three costume parties at frats we weren't even invited to, and you didn't have to spend a single cent on a costume."

Kurt salutes with a look of extreme pride.

"And that, sir, is what they call the height of thrift."

Sebastian had originally balked at the idea of Kurt going out on Halloween as himself, thinking he was being cruel to his condition, and setting himself up for mockery and ridicule. But the overall effect was actually quite the opposite. While mingling among students who didn't interact with him on the day to day, people actually looked at him with awe. They complimented him, talked to him, approached him. No one flinched at his presence, or stared…or pitied him. It was strange but, so far as Sebastian knew, also the most at ease Kurt had ever been in public since they met.

Sebastian couldn't really find a reason to object.

"You have more candy here than anyone can eat in a lifetime." Sebastian takes the bags of candy into the kitchen and sets them on the island.

"Oh, I can't eat it," Kurt explains, dropping down on the couch and melting into the overstuffed cushion with a sigh. "It would ruin my flawless complexion."

Sebastian rolls his eyes as he starts to un-wolf, pulling the fake fur from his hands, face and neck carefully, wincing when Kurt's homemade skin glue catches a few strands from his eyebrow and pulls at the hair. He had long since given up trying to defend Kurt from his own self-depreciating comments, since they seemed to be a coping mechanism ingrained in his behavior for far too long for any objection of Sebastian's to have an effect.

"Nope, we wouldn't want that," Sebastian says instead, reaching into one of the bags, grabbing a bite-sized Twix bar, unwrapping it, and popping the whole bar into his mouth. He chews, moaning obscenely, with his eyes squeezed shut so tightly he doesn't see the way Kurt's head snaps around, eyes wide and hungry as he watches Sebastian's mouth work around the chocolate, following his tongue when it licks over his lips, swallowing when Sebastian finally swallows, and then whimpering quietly at the sound of satisfaction Sebastian makes.

Kurt is so focused on the way Sebastian devoured the piece of chocolate, he doesn't hear Sebastian's question.

"Uh…Kurt?" Sebastian asks curiously. "Are you okay, gorgeous?"

"Uh…yeah, I'm fine. Why?" Kurt crosses his legs in an attempt to recover, praying that his cock will quickly lose interest.

"I just asked you a question."

"R-really?" Kurt stutters. "What was it? I didn't catch it."

"What are you going to do with it all?" Sebastian repeats, reaching for another Twix. Kurt clenches his knees tighter as he sees the chocolate disappear into Sebastian's mouth, waiting for Sebastian to close his eyes again before shoving the heel of his hand into his crotch to keep his threatening hard-on at bay.

"A-actually," Kurt manages, trying to keep his voice calm and even in the face of Sebastian's almost pornographic enjoyment of the candy in his mouth, "I'm going to take most of it to the kids at the burn center. They didn't let them trick or treat around the hospital this year."

Sebastian's eyes pop open, the look on his face shifting from glee to guilt. Kurt smirks at Sebastian's childlike expression.

"Sebastian, we have more than enough. You can steal all the Twix you want."

Sebastian bounces on the balls of his feet where he stands, snatching one more chocolate bar before joining Kurt in the living room. Kurt looks at the remnants of artificial skin and fur still clinging to Sebastian's skin, along with traces of eyeliner and face makeup, and cringes.

"We'd better get the rest of that off you before you clog your pores," Kurt comments. "Did you leave the cold cream…"

"On the bathroom sink," Sebastian finishes. Kurt winks, standing from the couch with a now practiced ease. He pats Sebastian's knee as he walks by, missing the catch in Sebastian's breathing at the casual contact. Kurt shuts the door behind him the second he enters the bathroom, and turns on the faucet. He splashes his face with ice-cold water repeatedly, trying to get his entire body to settle down. He turns the water off after he accidentally inhales some, coughing and sputtering into the sink. Kurt scrutinizes his reflection in the mirror, eyes roaming over the splotchy flush of red still visible on his cheeks, the way his eyes seem so foreign and dark. He can dunk his whole head in cold water; it won't make it go away.

Kurt's been with Sebastian for two months; two amazing, wonderful, fun, exciting months. It's not like they haven't done anything – Sebastian's sofa has seen numerous heated make-out sessions, and more jaw-dropping, awe-inspiring, wet dream inducing hand-jobs than Kurt can count. Sebastian is so understanding, so patient, waiting for Kurt to be ready, slowing things down when they go too fast, sometimes saving Kurt from himself. So how should he go about opening the flood gates to the one thing that he put a halt to for so long?

How should he tell Sebastian he's ready now?

"Kurt? Babe? Are you okay?" Sebastian calls from the living room.

Kurt scans the bathroom sink and finds the white tub cold cream, and an unopened package wedge-shaped cosmetic sponges.

"Yup. I was just…washing my hands," Kurt calls back, quickly washing his hands to save face. He doesn't want to lie to Sebastian, and in Kurt's mind even little white lies count.

Kurt steps into the living with the cold cream and the wedges in his hands. Sebastian is sitting on the sofa, arms out to his sides, head reclined, eyes shut; the picture of complete and utter relaxation.

"Well, you look like you're ready to call it a night," Kurt observes.

Sebastian hears Kurt's voice, hears him approach the couch and smiles, patting his thighs with his hands, a silent request for Kurt to sit on his lap.

"Not without you," Sebastian murmurs. Kurt kicks off his shoes and socks and climbs onto Sebastian's lap, straddling his legs, facing him. Kurt screws the cap off the cold cream while he stares at his boyfriend's face - a mess of smeared and half-torn prosthetic makeup, yet still gorgeous as ever.

"This might be a little cold," Kurt whispers. He uses his finger to scoop out a portion of the thick cream and starts applying it to Sebastian's face. Sebastian sucks in a quick breath at the chill, but relaxes beneath Kurt's fingers, letting his own hands creep up over Kurt's thighs where their legs touch.

"But it feels good," Sebastian sighs, hands traveling up Kurt's legs to his hips, and then splaying out to move slowly over his ass. Kurt stops breathing at Sebastian's touch, the way he always does, afraid that a wrong move would break the spell and Kurt would find himself alone, waking from a vivid dream, even after all this time.

"Does it?" Kurt asks, his voice shivering slightly. He uses a wedge to carefully remove traces of makeup from around Sebastian's mouth and eyes.

"Mm-hmm," Sebastian hums, sneaking his hands beneath Kurt's t-shirt to gently caress his torso, one hand running smoothly up and down flawless skin, the other tracing the lines and ridges of his scar. Kurt always imagined that having someone touch his scar would disgust him, but Sebastian's nonchalance, his cavalier attitude, makes it soothing. Kurt longs for Sebastian's touch. Kurt's whole body tingles, his quietly simmering hard-on returning with a vengeance. Unconsciously, he tightens his legs, and Sebastian smiles at the feeling of Kurt's lithe, muscular legs clamping around him.

"Kurt…" Sebastian takes the pot of cold cream out of Kurt's hand and sets it on the couch. He grabs Kurt's free hand and brings it to his lips, kissing across his fingertips. "Would it be predictable and cliché to admit that I really want you?"

Kurt's hand wiping Sebastian's face stops. He watches Sebastian's lips play across his fingers, suddenly imagining those lips dancing over other, more intimate places, and he swallows hard. Everything becomes tight and uncomfortable – his legs clenching around Sebastian's lap, the button fly of his jeans digging into his aching cock, his chest where his heart swells against his ribcage. Sebastian's eyelids flutter open and Kurt can see Sebastian's eyes, just as dark as he knows his own still look.

"I…I'm not trying to rush you, Kurt," Sebastian amends, his voice shaky and unsure. "I just…I want to be honest with you."

Kurt cleans the last of the makeup off Sebastian's face and tosses the stained sponge into a nearby trash can.

"I know," Kurt says with a coy grin. "I do, too. That's why I have to tell you…I wasn't really taking all that time in the bathroom washing my hands."

"You weren't?" Sebastian raises an eyebrow and presses Kurt's captured fingers to his lips again.

"No," Kurt admits, shaking his head.

"Then, what were you doing?" Sebastian's words against Kurt's skin tickle his spine in the most delicious way.

"I was actually trying to figure out a way of telling you how much I want you, too."

Sebastian's smile reaches his eyes and lights up his entire face.

"Are you…are you telling me…"

"Yes, Sebastian," Kurt says, rolling his eyes fondly. "I'm ready. I want to have sex with my gorgeous boyfriend."

"Good." Sebastian sits up to grab Kurt around the waist, and then in one fluid motion, stands up from the sofa with Kurt's legs wrapped around his hips, "because I want to have sex with _my_ gorgeous boyfriend, too."


	2. Chapter 2

Sebastian carries Kurt to his bedroom, a feat he has accomplished several times before and which never fails to make Kurt swoon since Sebastian can seem to manage it while kissing Kurt passionately and with his eyes closed.

"So," Sebastian starts, laying Kurt carefully on the edge of his king-sized bed, "is there…uh…anything you think we should talk about first?"

Kurt bites his lip, amused at how cocky, confident Sebastian gets flustered so quickly.

"Well, I thought we might just treat this like work-study," Kurt teases, climbing backward up the bed to the pillows, "and figure things out as we go along."

"Ooo…" Sebastian kicks off his shoes and pulls off his socks, then climbs on the bed to follow Kurt. "I love it when you talk like a teacher." He crawls over Kurt's body and hovers above him, dropping low to place kisses over Kurt's parted lips. "Do you have anything interesting to teach me?"

"Actually," Kurt says, chuckling nervously when Sebastian moves to suck a mark onto his neck, "I was kind of hoping to take my cues from you." Sebastian pulls back to look into Kurt's eyes. "I've never done this before."

"Well, neither have I," Sebastian reminds him, smirking at the way Kurt squirms beneath him, his entire body begging to be kissed.

"_You're_ the one who had the affair with that tart." Kurt loops his arms around Sebastian's neck and pulls him back down to meet his lips.

"What affair?" Sebastian barks through a laugh. "It was one kiss! One horrible…disastrous…awful…kiss…" Sebastian bites along Kurt's collarbone as he talks, pinning Kurt down with his body and chuckling every time Kurt yelps.

"Still…I just think that maybe you're a little more in the know, so to speak," Kurt admits. Sebastian bats his eyes innocently, waiting for Kurt to continue, watching his porcelain cheek burn red to match his scar. Kurt turns his face into the pillow beside him and groans. Sebastian drops his forehead to Kurt's shoulder and bites his lip to keep from laughing any more than he already has.

"Look," Sebastian moves to lie beside Kurt and snakes an arm beneath him, curling Kurt onto his side so they can speak nose to nose, "I'll admit to a rather extensive collection of reference materials, both video and periodical in nature."

"Why am I not surprised?" Kurt mutters, and Sebastian retaliates with a hard squeeze to Kurt's ass.

"But," Sebastian continues, undeterred, "I also have a very vivid…very romantic…very hot fantasy about the two of us..."

"Really?" Kurt feels more than breathless anticipation now, knowing that Sebastian has dreams about them together; dreams about making love to him.

"Yes." Sebastian brushes a hair out of Kurt's face, and places a delicate kiss to his forehead. "Maybe we can start there. Play it out and see where things go."

Kurt has never heard anything so sweet yet so erotic in his entire life. Sebastian kisses around Kurt's face while he waits for Kurt decide; and Kurt waits just a little longer than he intends because Sebastian's lips on his skin feel like paradise.

"Yes," Kurt mewls, unable to wait any longer to have his boyfriend. "Yes…let's do that."

Kurt's voice shakes, sounding wrecked and ruined but Kurt doesn't care since it matches Sebastian's voice perfectly.

"Good." Sebastian's eyes suddenly become darker, the pupils blown wide and crowding out his startling green irises. "Well, maybe we can start by removing a few articles of clothing."

"Uh…Okay…" Kurt voice betrays his uneasiness. "You still have the light on, though."

"Is that okay?" Sebastian reaches for the hem of Kurt's shirt and pulls slowly, giving Kurt the chance to say no. "I really want to see you."

Kurt is torn. He's always stayed hidden, but Sebastian seems to have a fetish with looking at him, and not just shallow glances. Sebastian watches him, examines him, hangs over his body and inspects every inch of his skin, kissing over the areas he inspects and humming with delight when Kurt gasps. Sebastian's eyes have never looked at Kurt with anything less than complete adoration, and Kurt has to admit that he preens for Sebastian. He wants Sebastian to look at him that same way when he's lying naked beneath him.

For the first time ever, Kurt wants to be seen.

As he tends to do with every decision, Kurt gets lost in his own head for a little too long, leaving Sebastian waiting with concern growing on his face.

Kurt sees Sebastian withdraw, sees the fire in his green eyes cool. He lurches forward, surprising Sebastian, surprising even himself. He grabs Sebastian's wrists and draws him close, leaning in to his ear.

"Undress me," Kurt pleads softly. "Please," he adds in response to Sebastian's hesitation. He licks around the outside of Sebastian's ear, nibbling on his ear lobe and sucking gently. Sebastian moans. He's never heard Kurt beg to be undressed. He moves quickly, fumbling with Kurt's shirt, eager to have it gone so he can remove his own and lay skin to skin with his beautiful boyfriend.

"See," Sebastian mumbles against Kurt's mouth, "I think you're better at this than you give yourself credit for."

"It's because of you," Kurt admits, lifting his arms to allow Sebastian to pull his shirt off, not even objecting when Sebastian tosses it haphazardly to the floor.

Sebastian yanks off his own shirt and tosses it away, looking down at Kurt with confusion in his eyes.

"When I'm with you, I feel free," Kurt confesses. "I feel beautiful…and sexy…"

"You are beautiful and sexy." Sebastian lies over Kurt, nuzzling against his neck. He inhales deep the scent of Kurt's vanilla shampoo, blazing a trail of kisses down the length of his neck.

"You think I am," Kurt says with a whimper. "That's all that matters."

Sebastian groans, but he's not going to win this argument, and now is not the time to fight. If Kurt feels sexy and beautiful in his arms, than Sebastian is going to show Kurt how sexy and beautiful he truly is. He captures Kurt's lips, sliding their mouths together, tenderly pinching Kurt's lower lip between his teeth. Sebastian rakes his fingers slowly down Kurt's sides, careful to avoid catching on the more delicate areas of his skin, knowing by now the right amount of pressure to make Kurt melt. Kurt's fingers are already working at the zipper of Sebastian's jeans, and every brush of Kurt's fingertips against his exposed skin sends tongues of fire licking up and down Sebastian's body until he begins to fear that this first adventure with Kurt at making love might turn out to be blissful, but painfully short lived.

Kurt boldly wraps his fingers around Sebastian's hard, leaking cock, and he almost gives in, almost lets Kurt stroke him till he's crying into his shoulder.

But Sebastian needs more. He wants to give Kurt more. He grabs Kurt's wrists and raises them above his head, lacing their fingers together and holding him down.

"I'm sorry, gorgeous," Sebastian responds to Kurt's whines of protest. "If you keep that up, this is going to be over really quick."

Sebastian feels Kurt smile against his mouth, swallows the tiny chuckles that bleed into moans as Sebastian slips his tongue between Kurt's lips. Sebastian's hands leave Kurt's to travel back down his body, but the second Kurt's hands move, Sebastian pins them back in place.

"Nope," Sebastian whispers. "These stay here for now." Sebastian moves again and Kurt patiently complies, his gaze burning hot as he watches Sebastian move down his body, nipping, licking and tracing over skin and muscle. Kurt's body strains as he struggles to stay still, and Sebastian takes his time exploring. Kurt's body is Sebastian's playground for the night, and he's in no hurry to leave.

Kurt holds his breath as he watches Sebastian's perfect lips kiss his skin. Feeling it is magical enough, but watching makes him feel like the voyeur of his own private show, where he's the privileged audience and the star. Kurt is pretty certain he could die right now and never be any happier. Daydreams of a boyfriend treating him like this, worshipping his body, enjoying giving him pleasure, were snuffed out long before he graduated high school. Kurt figured when he got to the city that maybe in a place like New York he might stumble across some cool boho guy who was decent…possibly blind…or just not all too discerning.

But Kurt hit the jackpot. He didn't have to settle. He found a man who loved him for the person he was; a man who could see past the scar.

(Truth be told, and it always made Kurt laugh to think about it, the scar seemed to make Sebastian a little hot. Someday Kurt would have to pluck up the courage to ask.)

Sebastian dips his tongue beneath Kurt's waistband and Kurt shivers, deep from his soul, his whole body trembling as it fights its way to the surface, but it's not until Sebastian's eyes dart up to meet his, emerald depths filled with raw need and want, that Kurt moans, long and loud and unbidden. Sebastian loves that moan. He craves the broken sound of strength and surrender in it. He swears he could cum on that sound alone.

Then Sebastian does something Kurt would have never anticipated. He pulls open the fly to Kurt's jeans with his teeth; the buttons popping through their holes one by one until the denim lies spread open. Kurt's mouth hangs comically agape at Sebastian who grins like mad at his boyfriend's lack of underwear.

"Sebastian?" Kurt's harsh whisper carries with it a small thread of nervousness, uncertainty. Sebastian's fingers bunch into Kurt's jeans at the hips, preparing to pull them down, but Kurt's eyes are wide, panicked. "Are you going to…" Kurt stammers. "Are you thinking about…"

"Not if you don't want me to," Sebastian says, trying to sound soothing with a voice that's essentially a potent layer of sin on sin. "I don't want to make you uncomfortable. But please, Kurt. I've been dying to do this with you. I'll stop if you want me to."

Kurt looks at Sebastian, his heart lodged in his throat, threatening to choke him to death in his lover's bed. Kurt has to decide for himself if this is moving too fast, or not fast enough. How can a blowjob be too much if making love is just enough? Kurt knows he has the power to say yes or no; to stop Sebastian now, or let him have him.

In the end, why would Kurt say no if he's exactly where he wants to be?

"Kurt," Sebastian whispers, licking his lips with want, but breathing deep to cool down and give Kurt the space he needs.

"Do you want me to stop, gorgeous?"


	3. Chapter 3

"No!" Kurt begs, grabbing at the blankets beneath him, bunching the fabric between his fingers. "Don't stop! Please God, don't stop!"

With that, any and all pretense of Kurt as an indecisive, shy violet leap headlong out the window.

Sebastian stares at Kurt, stunned into silence, but not for long before his lips curl into a smooth, seductive grin.

"God, huh," Sebastian teases, lingering barely above Kurt's crotch, his warm breath washing over Kurt's cock with every word. "Well, hold the compliments until I'm done, gorgeous."

Kurt groans and drops his head to the pillow, slain by Sebastian's corny remark, but more for Sebastian making him wait. He braces himself, waiting for Sebastian to pull his jeans off, finding himself tense with anticipation, but with no word of warning Sebastian's velvety tongue caresses his length, moving slowly against his overheated skin. Kurt's back arches off the bed, and he growls deep in his throat with the unbridled ecstasy that courses through him. That first touch of Sebastian's tongue erases everything else – all of his anxiety, all of his fear. Every rational thought he's ever had is wiped completely away; his name, his phone number, his address, all gone. Every nerve ending in his body fires at once, overwhelmed with the sensation of hot and wet, a combination so mind-warping and perfect that Kurt can't imagine this being any more incredible.

But Sebastian keeps going. He takes Kurt into his mouth until the head of Kurt's cock brushes against the back of his throat. A tiny worry tugs at Kurt; an errant thought of, 'How is Sebastian going to breathe?' He rises up on his elbows to peek down at Sebastian just as Sebastian's eyes lock on his. His green eyes twinkle deviously. He wraps his lips tight around Kurt and sucks hard.

"Holy fucking shit!" Kurt screams, and he can feel Sebastian chuckling around him, the vibrations tingling like electrical sparks crackling over his skin. Kurt bites his lip and cries out, nearly lifting entirely off the bed before crashing back down to the mattress. Kurt expects him to stop, to ask him if he's okay, to see if what he's doing feels good (though how he can misinterpret Kurt's primal chant of "Oh God! Oh God!" Kurt can't possibly imagine), but Sebastian doesn't stop. He becomes bold, mercilessly holding Kurt's bucking hips still in his strong grasp, emboldened by his breathy pleas.

"Yes, Sebastian! Don't stop, Sebastian! Yes, yes, yes…"

Kurt's body isn't his own. He can't control what's happening, can't control his reaction. He curses unexpectedly when Sebastian swallows around him, and Sebastian curls his nails into Kurt's hips in response. Kurt can't stifle his moans, or the way his hips struggle to move. His restless heels dig into the mattress beneath him. Kurt's mind begins to spiral out of control, but he does know his body; he knows that he's submitting. Too soon, it's about to end too soon, and Kurt's body begs for it. He wants to cum. But he needs that end to be with Sebastian, together, wrapped in each other's arms.

"Sebastian…Sebastian, baby…stop," Kurt moans while his brain rebels, screaming, _'Are you kidding!?'_

Kurt is inclined to agree when Sebastian shakes his head and frees one hip to use his hand to fondle Kurt's balls.

"Oh, Sebastian!" Kurt groans, trying to pry himself free. "Baby, you're going to kill me, and…and we're supposed to do this together…don't you want to…God, Sebastian…"

Sebastian can hear his boyfriend's voice become rough and faint as he fights off his orgasm. Sebastian wants to give that to him, wants to feel him pulsing in his mouth as he cums down his throat. He's dreamt for so long about having Kurt this way – writhing and desperate and at his mercy.

But that's not the 'first time' he promised Kurt.

Pulling away from Kurt's cock, throbbing against his tongue, is the hardest thing Sebastian's ever done. Even with all of his protesting, Kurt whimpers when Sebastian stops.

"Later," Sebastian pants, crawling back up Kurt's body to kiss his boyfriend, hard and filthy on the mouth, "you have to let me finish that later."

Kurt nods against the assault of his mouth, grinning and giggling, folding his arms around Sebastian to hold him, his entire body vibrating and euphoric.

"Whatever you say," Kurt mumbles. "But for right now…"

"I know, I know…" Sebastian is preoccupied peeling Kurt's tight jeans down his thighs, abandoning Kurt's mouth to finish the job, but as soon as he does, he stops and stares. Yes, they've done a lot, mostly clothed and in the dark, but until now, Sebastian hasn't seen his boyfriend completely naked. Kurt's scar runs down the length of his body, over his hip and devastating his right leg (thankfully the fire managed to avoid his genitals. How Kurt managed to dodge that bullet, he'll never know. Maybe the great spaghetti monster in the sky has a soft spot for bereft, OCD children).

Here is Sebastian's last chance to balk, and from the blank expression on his face Kurt can't tell if he's actually going to take it. Sebastian has always been able to surprise him, and this time is no exception.

"Holy shit, Kurt!" Sebastian's voice shudders as he reaches for his fly, fumbling to strip off his own pants. "Tell me how the fuck I got so damn lucky."

Kurt opens his mouth to retort, trying to find a witty come-back, but Sebastian has left him speechless. He blushes, turning slightly to face away from Sebastian and his too-good-to-be-true compliments. Sebastian sees Kurt move away and pounces on him, moving Kurt's body towards him, hands holding Kurt's body against his.

"Don't turn away from me, gorgeous," Sebastian whispers, his breath hot against Kurt's cheek. "Don't deprive me of this."

"You're ridiculous!" Kurt giggles. Sebastian smiles bright, locking a leg around Kurt's and keeping him close.

"Maybe I am," he agrees. "But I'm the ridiculous man who's hopelessly in love with you, Kurt Hummel, so you're going to have to live with it."

That admission almost breaks him. Sebastian has told Kurt a hundred times or more that he loves him, but 'hopelessly in love' seems like something different, something more important entirely.

"Really?" Kurt murmurs. "Hopelessly?"

"Completely and hopelessly," Sebastian replies with the brightest smile Kurt has ever seen. "I swear I wouldn't say it if I didn't mean it."

"Good…" Kurt stutters, liquefying beneath Sebastian's disarming smile. "Because I was beginning to think I was the only one."

Sebastian's hand finds its way to the nape of Kurt's neck, thumb rubbing along the line of Kurt's neck.

"I love you." Sebastian's lips travel in soft kisses over Kurt's jawline. "I love you, I love you…"

Kurt leans in to Sebastian's kisses, absorbing his professions of love into his skin and notices for the first time, as his body is twined with Sebastian's, just how well they fit together. In this room, away from anyone who would see them and judge them, who might comment about Kurt's horrific scar or wonder out loud why Sebastian would ever date him, they're just two people in love.

That's all they ever need to be.

"Kurt?" Sebastian cards careful fingers through Kurt's hair, scraping his nails over Kurt's scalp in a tender call for his attention. "Baby? Have you given any thought to…"

Kurt's brow furrows as he meets Sebastian's eyes, but Sebastian ducks his head bashfully.

"Uh…wow, they never tell you about this part, do they?" Sebastian chuckles.

"What part?" Kurt breathes, completely lost.

"The awkward conversations." Sebastian clears his throat, cheeks pinking adorably. He meets Kurt's eyes again, refusing to feel ashamed. "Have you given any thought to whether or not you want to be on top or bottom?"

Sebastian bites his tongue, thankful he managed to say that all in one, fairly steady breath.

"Wh-…oh…" Kurt's eyes dart away as he considers. He never realized all the technical considerations of having sex for the first time. Sebastian's nervous laugh against his chin tells Kurt that he may have just absent-mindedly voiced that admission. Kurt conjures up the daydream of his first time that he's carried with him since high school - the cheesy romantic atmosphere, the music, the candles, the bed littered with rose petals - so different from reality with one constant factor the same; a man he adores making love to him.

"Bottom," Kurt says quietly, "I-if you don't mind, of course."

Sebastian's smile tells Kurt that he certainly does not mind.

"I…no, that's great, actually." Sebastian kisses Kurt one last time before rolling away to the table by his bed side, rummaging through the drawers for the things he needs. When Sebastian returns to Kurt, Kurt meets his sheepish smile with a raised eyebrow.

"Just out of curiosity," Kurt asks, "how long have you been planning for this?"

"Honestly?" Sebastian asks.

Kurt nods once.

"After that day I took you to the coffee shop."

Kurt pulls a face that makes Sebastian laugh furiously.

"B-but…but I left you there!" Kurt sputters. "You trusted me, and I ditched you!"

"Yeah, I know," Sebastian looks down at his hands, at the condom in his palm, and smiles thinking how far removed they were now from that day. "But I wasn't ready to give up."

Kurt's eyes follow Sebastian's gaze, looking down their bodies at the two of them tangled together, and smiles in return.

"I'm glad you didn't give up," Kurt admits, talking softly against Sebastian's skin.

Sebastian sighs, kissing Kurt sweetly along his hairline.

"Me, too."


	4. Chapter 4

Sebastian's touches are more magic than Kurt has ever dreamed possible. Whatever reference material Sebastian has been watching definitely paid off, but Kurt would like to believe that _he_ has some part in this, too; that Sebastian is reacting to having Kurt naked in his arms; that he's reliving the fantasy he's dreamed of during nights spent alone in bed, longing to make love to him.

Kurt's had them, too, and they're a lot like this.

Sebastian's lips explore his skin, _all_ over his skin, trying to touch and kiss and be everywhere at once. His hands follow his lips and trace along their path, searching out and memorizing all those spots that make Kurt shiver. He finds them on Kurt's neck, on the bend of Kurt's elbow, his hip, his inner thigh, behind his knee, his ankle…

Kurt has his chances, too, when he can get Sebastian to lie still and let him have his way. As gorgeous as Sebastian is when he's meticulously styled and dressed, it doesn't even compare to what he looks like now: gloriously naked, his whole body on display, cut and muscular, tanner than Kurt by far and not a blemish or scar to be seen. His hair is mussed from carding his fingers through it every time Kurt finds a hidden spot that makes Sebastian weak. Kurt is mesmerized by Sebastian's body, especially his skin: the interesting combination of sweet and musky smell to it, its salty taste and smooth texture beneath his tongue. Kurt feels an unexpected surge of power every time he manages to make Sebastian whimper; he gets drunk off it, becoming daring, more confident.

Kurt slips down Sebastian's chest, crawling quick and cat-like, eager at trying his hand at having Sebastian in his mouth, but even in his blissed-out state, Sebastian catches on and stops him, panting heavily, sweating in reaction to Kurt's torment, even in the cool air.

"No, gorgeous," Sebastian says when Kurt pouts. "I have to have you _now_."

The low, guttural growl in Sebastian's voice when he says the word 'now' puts the smile back on Kurt's face. Sebastian grabs his hands and leads him back to the head of the bed. In the heat and passion and anticipation of the next few minutes, conversation becomes less awkward and more rushed, as if both men have gone beyond waiting to be together.

"Do you want me to finger you?" Sebastian asks, his voice rough and husky in Kurt's ear.

"No…no…I just want you," Kurt says, hurrying to get into some sort of position. "How do you want me?"

"On your back," Sebastian responds without hesitation. "I want to see you."

Kurt bites back both a protest and a moan with his lower lip trapped between his teeth as he lays back and watches Sebastian tear open the condom wrapper with his teeth and roll it over his erection like a pro.

"Uh…" Kurt raises an eyebrow, curious if all alpha males are born with an inherent ability to put on a condom because Kurt is sure that under the same circumstances he'd go through at least three before he managed to get one on right.

"Practice, alright!" Sebastian chuckles sheepishly, inferring Kurt's unasked question from the look in his eyes, his cheeks flaming red. "I didn't want to look like an idiot."

"Oh, honey," Kurt coos, sitting up to loop his arms behind Sebastian's neck. "You could never look like an idiot."

Sebastian's shifting eyes meet Kurt's, the smile in them soft and insecure.

"Really?"

"Yes, really," Kurt assures him, pecking light kisses to the contours of Sebastian's mouth. "And I think that you practicing is adorable…if not a little odd."

Sebastian scrunches his nose and pushes a giggling Kurt backward onto the bed. Sebastian sucks in a sharp breath and Kurt's giggles suddenly die in his throat. Kurt's ice blue eyes are close to black as he peers up through dark eyelashes at his gorgeous boyfriend kneeling naked between his legs. Sebastian's every nerve in his body fires, his entire being pulsing with his need to be buried inside Kurt.

"Are you ready?" Sebastian asks, his voice shuddering but much more confident than before.

"Yes." Kurt tries to match the confidence in Sebastian's voice, not wanting to ruin it all by revealing just how terrified he actually is.

Not about being with Sebastian. He loves Sebastian. He wants Sebastian. And he knows that he will remember this night for the rest of his life.

But afterwards, everything is going to change.

Their relationship…even themselves.

Kurt fears change as much as he desires it. He holds on to this trepidation, savors the weight of it – the time between moments when change begins.

Sebastian leans over Kurt with a small smile and a reassuring kiss.

"It's okay. I'm a little scared, too," he divulges

Kurt nods against Sebastian's forehead, relaxed now that he knows he's not the only one.

Sebastian's eyes stay locked on Kurt's as he flips open the lid to the bottle of lube. Kurt wonders why this isn't more uncomfortable. He should be more self-conscious, but he's not. He's with Sebastian.

Sebastian who loves him.

Sebastian who fought Kurt's stubbornness to have a chance with him.

Sebastian who thinks he's beautiful.

Kurt feels the slicked, blunt head of Sebastian's cock pressing against his cheeks, pushing in cautiously, trying to find his entrance. Sebastian ducks his head, muttering apologies as he constantly misses. Kurt reaches between them and Sebastian watches as Kurt carefully wraps his fingers around Sebastian's length and shows him the way.

"Okay," Sebastian sighs, taking back control.

Sebastian moves so slowly that Kurt can't tell if anything at all is happening until in a blinding stab of _heatstretchpain_ Sebastian breaches Kurt's entrance. Kurt can't repress his reaction, throwing his head back against the pillows with a hiss, squeezing his eyes tight and clenching his teeth.

"Oh God! Kurt!" Sebastian's voice sounds so absurdly panic-stricken that if Kurt could get his body to do anything else, he would laugh. "I'm sorry! I'm so sorry! Let me just…"

Kurt feels Sebastian move back and his eyes fly open. He grabs Sebastian's arms, gripping harder than he intends.

"Don't you dare pull out!" Kurt hisses. "Just…just don't move. Okay?"

Sebastian nods, visibly apprehensive, but willing to take Kurt at his word.

Kurt breathes deeply through his nose, filling his lungs to bursting in an attempt to focus on anything but the pain, cursing silently at his body for ruining this for him. He trains his gaze on Sebastian's worried face, watching the strain of holding still crease his brow. Kurt continues to breathe until the burn fades to a minor discomfort, and he can get his legs to relax again, dropping open around Sebastian.

"Okay," Kurt says. "I'm good."

Sebastian moves again, inching forward into Kurt's tightness and heat, warring with himself for control as Kurt's body closes around him, moaning with the growing intensity of it.

Kurt groans and Sebastian stops, kissing Kurt languidly to give him something else to think about until Kurt murmurs against his lips and Sebastian keeps going.

Sebastian bottoms out completely with the most decadent sound of pleasure Kurt has ever heard.

"How was that?" Sebastian asks, reaching a shaking hand to brush the hair out of Kurt's face. "Not too terrible, I hope."

"No," Kurt says, turning his head to kiss Sebastian's palm as his hand lingers near his face. "Not terrible at all."

"How does it feel?"

Kurt smiles at Sebastian's curiosity.

"Full," he reveals. "So incredibly full…like I want to push you back out, but just so I can pull you back in again."

Sebastian grins, his gaze traveling down Kurt's body, his eyes shy and thoughtful.

"What about you?" Kurt asks, fidgeting with the sheet beneath his fingertips.

"Amazing." Sebastian's grin grows wide. "You're so hot…like an oven. It's almost unbearable. And tight, but perfectly tight…like you were made for me."

Kurt turns his head, laying his left cheek against the pillow so he can blush in private.

_Made for him_. Kurt's whole body ignites at the thought. Those words make it easy to believe everything Sebastian says about fate bringing them together. Maybe it is all true.

"Gorgeous?" Sebastian says quietly, drawing Kurt's attention back to his face. "Do you want me to move?"

"Yes." Kurt's eyes travel down to where Sebastian's fingers curl over his thighs. "Yes, please."

Sebastian pulls back, his hands trembling where they hold onto Kurt's legs. Kurt's eyes stare transfixed on Sebastian's face, watching his lip quiver with restraint, his brow furrowing in concentration, the beautifully tortured expression on his face. He pulls almost completely out then slides back in, quicker this time.

Kurt's body jumps beneath him as if hit by a bolt of electricity, and Sebastian stops again, not wanting to go too far too fast.

"N-no…don't stop," Kurt stammers. "Do that again."

Sebastian moves again, dragging back and pushing in harder, delighting when Kurt's reaction is the same, but with the addition of a shattered whimper.

"Yes, Sebastian," Kurt says, stars swirling into view before his eyes. He feels euphoric, light-headed. He wants that…hungers for it. "More…"

"More?" Sebastian doesn't know whether to laugh or cry. The most incredible feeling, the most incredible experience in his life so far, and Kurt wants more of it.

"Please," Kurt whines, tugging at Sebastian's arms, trying to get him to do something…anything. "More."

Kurt is sore, but the intoxicating close proximity of Sebastian's body, the delicious slide of his cock in and out with every thrust, and that sensitive bundle of nerves that light up Kurt's body like a candle whenever Sebastian brushes against it more than make up for it.

Sebastian moves again, no more stops, no more pain, just balancing on the crest of a wave that carries them along together. Sebastian's fingers trail down Kurt's thighs, grabbing and kneading at his hips, giving him leverage to move deeper inside, and Kurt, restless and writhing, rises up to meet him, digging his heels into the mattress as he lifts his body. Soon, what started out as innocent love-making consumes them both. Kurt mutters curses under his breath with every flawless assault, every touch that crosses the boundary from tender to desperate. Sebastian bites his lip till it bleeds, digs his nails into Kurt's flesh, leaving crescent-shaped marks behind. The sound of Kurt's foul mouth makes Sebastian drive into him harder, longing to go deeper. He grabs Kurt's legs and lifts his ass off the bed, hooking Kurt's knees over his bent arms.

The cavalcade of Kurt's cursing turns into a chant of Sebastian's name, which bleeds into a single sound. Sebastian watches Kurt's body go still as he absorbs his thrusts; his eyelids drift closed, lips quivering, moving around silent words. Beads of sweat start to form along Sebastian's hairline, rolling down his brow and along his cheeks.

Kurt's fingers crawl down his body, reaching for his forgotten erection. Sebastian wishes he can take care of that for him, but he's afraid of dropping Kurt. Once Kurt starts stroking himself, Sebastian is glad he didn't rush to the rescue. The image of Kurt's hand working over his own cock, his back arching, body balancing on his shoulders, is hotter than Sebastian's dirtiest wet dream.

"Oh God, Kurt," Sebastian mutters, eyes locked on Kurt's hand as it moves from base to head slowly, thumb running along the slit on top before starting the trip back down, twisting slightly. Sebastian can feel Kurt's whole body respond, thighs tightening around his hips, his ab muscles quivering with every pass. "Kurt…I don't think…I think I'm…"

Sebastian struggles, but no matter how he tries to word it, he can't come up with a coherent sentence.

"Good," Kurt groans with another swipe of his thumb. "Because I…"

The meaning is there, but the words are gone, stolen from Kurt's throat by the renewed vigor of Sebastian's hips slamming against his body. Sebastian fights to keep his eyes open, even when he wants to drop his head back to concentrate on the heat of Kurt's body around him. Instead, he watches Kurt fall apart, shuddering, hips failing to match Sebastian's pace, cumming in thick, white stripes over his stomach and chest. Only then does Sebastian let himself crumble, piece by piece fracturing away as his orgasm builds, surging through his body and out through his limbs, exploding inside him until he can't breathe, can't think, can hardly move. How he manages to ride out his orgasm without collapsing to the floor is incredible, but before too long he crashes back to earth, having presence of mind enough to lay Kurt back onto the bed, withdrawing from Kurt's body carefully, conscious of how he breathes quickly through his teeth, bracing against the sting.

They lay still, the sound of their combined breathing filling the otherwise quiet air, everything hot and humid around them. Sebastian uses what little energy he has to drag himself up onto the bed, helping his boyfriend up the rest of the way to the pillows, which seem to have migrated in different directions. Sebastian pulls the case off of the closest one and cleans Kurt up with it, turning it inside out to wipe himself down when he's done.

Their skin quickly cools as Sebastian cuddles against Kurt, lying behind him and enveloping Kurt in his embrace.

"So, what did you think?" Sebastian asks, cringing internally at the lameness of his own question, grateful that he's lying behind Kurt so he doesn't have to see his reaction. Kurt laughs; Sebastian can feel the movement of Kurt's shoulders against his lips as he leaves a trail of kisses along his back.

"Well," Kurt says, clearing his throat, "I thought it was pretty wonderful…but to be fair, I don't really have anything to compare it to."

Sebastian pinches Kurt under the arm, and Kurt laughs harder, squirming to break away. Sebastian holds him tighter.

"Well, what can we do about that?" Sebastian traces lazy patterns over Kurt's chest, enjoying the dance and play of Kurt's muscles when he finds a ticklish spot.

"How about a round two?" Kurt suggests, peering back at Sebastian over his shoulder with a devilish grin. "I mean, since now I have a frame of reference."

Sebastian rolls his eyes to the ceiling, mimicking mulling the idea over while Kurt turns in his arms, sliding every inch of his body against every inch of Sebastian's so Sebastian can feel just how much Kurt is already rising to the challenge.

"Sounds fair," Sebastian says with a smile, "as long as afterwards I get to fall asleep in your arms."

"Deal," Kurt whispers as he presses warm lips against Sebastian's skin.

"And you won't run off on me in the middle of the night?" Sebastian teases.

Kurt stops kissing Sebastian to meet his eyes with an earnest gaze.

"Babe," Kurt says, adoring the feel of Sebastian's body so close to his own, "I stopped running away from you a long time ago."


End file.
